Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Wes 7.0
That should teach them. Don't mess with the Tosh!!!!
#Dead @bury you and your sister in the sand box
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Your Guide to Trick or Treating
Two big problems this year:
1. If your neighborhood looks like this, chances are no one will be passing out candy.
2. On the flip side, people might have to fill up their gas tank instead of buying candy.
There is going to be a ginormous candy sale the first weekend in November from all the left over candy.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Generation Y
The Silent Generation...
people born between 1925 and 1945.
The Baby Boomers...
people born between 1946 and 1964.
Generation X...
people born between 1965 and 1982.
Generation Y...
people born between 1983 and 1997.
Why do we call the last group of people Generation Y?
I had no idea until I saw this caricaturist's explanation!
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
(Untitled) Technology
If the word (untitled) offends you, I am sorry. But this is some of the most important technological advice you will hear.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an Intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt' you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Wake Up ... Tuesday May 13th, 2008
China death toll climbs over 12k
With the rise of recent earthquakes, how prepared are you for an earthquake? Hell, I slept right through the last one.
Lebron tops CeltsWhy can't the Celtics play on the road? Do they need to sleep in their own beds at night to come ready to play? Last five road games look like this:
Quarter by Quarter scoring and total.
BOS 32 18 32 18 100
ATL 20 29 30 24 103
Lose by 3, Dominated out of breaks, shut down in 2nd and 4th.
BOS 24 24 27 17 92
ATL 29 22 14 32 97
Lose by 5, Dominated out of halftime, blown out in 4th. Did I mention Joe Johnson scored everytime he touched the ball.
BOS 26 30 18 19 93
ATL 32 24 28 18 102
Never got it going. No chance with that crowd behind them. First time Celts didnt win the 3rd quarter on road.
BOS 13 22 28 21 84
CLE 32 20 27 29 108
13 points in 1st quarter? Enough said. Bright side, first time scored over 20 point in 4th quarter on road. Who cares if it was 2nd string.
BOS 21 22 22 12 77
CLE 23 22 23 20 88
Fairly close game, actually led in 4th. But only two points in the last 2:55 of the game.
This team has "veteran" leadership and 3 perennial all-stars and can't muster up enough 4th quarter points to beat someone out of the Bonner league. Has father time caught up to the Boston Three Party? I doubt it but they better not go seven games with King James. Might be a replay of this.
RKelly finally goes to trial
To see the alledged crime at hand, I have obtained exclusive footage that the grand jury will be shown as evidence of the heinous acts Mr. Kelly has done to wrong our youth. Part 1. Part 2. And the most gruesome of them all, Part 3.
In all seriousness about Kellz, his former publicist daughter? Check out Kellz taking jello shots.
Suge Knight - Welcome to Death RowAccording to TMZ, the former Death Row head honcho was laid out for three minutes. Cue Chris Tucker or Dae Dae. Now if he justs tells us the truth about Tupac, all will be fair and equal.
This is a sexy phone. This one too.
Parents
Please do not let your daughters wear this out the house, let alone prom.
With the rise of recent earthquakes, how prepared are you for an earthquake? Hell, I slept right through the last one.
Lebron tops CeltsWhy can't the Celtics play on the road? Do they need to sleep in their own beds at night to come ready to play? Last five road games look like this:
Quarter by Quarter scoring and total.
BOS 32 18 32 18 100
ATL 20 29 30 24 103
Lose by 3, Dominated out of breaks, shut down in 2nd and 4th.
BOS 24 24 27 17 92
ATL 29 22 14 32 97
Lose by 5, Dominated out of halftime, blown out in 4th. Did I mention Joe Johnson scored everytime he touched the ball.
BOS 26 30 18 19 93
ATL 32 24 28 18 102
Never got it going. No chance with that crowd behind them. First time Celts didnt win the 3rd quarter on road.
BOS 13 22 28 21 84
CLE 32 20 27 29 108
13 points in 1st quarter? Enough said. Bright side, first time scored over 20 point in 4th quarter on road. Who cares if it was 2nd string.
BOS 21 22 22 12 77
CLE 23 22 23 20 88
Fairly close game, actually led in 4th. But only two points in the last 2:55 of the game.
This team has "veteran" leadership and 3 perennial all-stars and can't muster up enough 4th quarter points to beat someone out of the Bonner league. Has father time caught up to the Boston Three Party? I doubt it but they better not go seven games with King James. Might be a replay of this.
RKelly finally goes to trial
To see the alledged crime at hand, I have obtained exclusive footage that the grand jury will be shown as evidence of the heinous acts Mr. Kelly has done to wrong our youth. Part 1. Part 2. And the most gruesome of them all, Part 3.
In all seriousness about Kellz, his former publicist daughter? Check out Kellz taking jello shots.
Suge Knight - Welcome to Death RowAccording to TMZ, the former Death Row head honcho was laid out for three minutes. Cue Chris Tucker or Dae Dae. Now if he justs tells us the truth about Tupac, all will be fair and equal.
This is a sexy phone. This one too.
Parents
Please do not let your daughters wear this out the house, let alone prom.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Popular Mike Shannonisms
Popular Mike Shannonisms
Mike Shannon is the broadcaster for the St. Louis Cardinals. Just like Harry Caray to the north of us, we have some good ones here to laugh at.
"This big standing-room only crowd is settling into their seats."
"It's raining like a Chinese fire drill!"
(After Brian Jordan was hit by a pitch for the 4th time on a single road
trip): "Jordan must feel like a Ouija Board."
(Referring to Bernard Gilkey): "He was originally born in University
City."
"He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!"
(Referring to Mike Schmidt): "the longtime, and soon-to-be,
Hall-of-Famer."
(Referring to Hideo Nomo): "He's the biggest thing to hit Japan since
they dropped the bomb on Nagashima!"
"This game is off to a rather conspicuous start, don't you think. Jack?"
"Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm, and is blossoming into a
large cobra."
"That foul tip bounced up and caught him right in the groins...and
that'll really clear your eyes out."
"A hit up the middle right now would be like a nice ham sandwich and a
cold, frosty one."
(Broadcasting from New York under a full moon): "I wish you folks back
in St. Louis could see this moon."
(On the day before Easter): "I just want to tell everyone 'Happy Easter
and Happy Hanukkah.'"
"Things are not always as they appear to be as."
"Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya
ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out."
"Our next homestand follows this road trip."
(Referring to a home run by Ted Simmons): "and that's the bread on
Simmons' butter."
"The right-hander is throwing up (instead of 'up, throwing') in the
bullpen."
"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I
think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except
China where they have all those derelicts." After a pause, Joe Buch
suggested that Mike has meant to say "dialects." Mike responded, "Yeah,
dialects! That's what I mean...but they've got a lot of derelicts too!"
"He ran to second faster than a cat in Chinatown."
"I wouldn't have see it if I hadn't believed it."
"Don't bite off your head to spite your nose."
Joe: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French
foreign exchange students in Section 382."
Mike: "Where're they from, Joe?"
Joe: "Uhh, France, I think."
A couple of years back, Mike and Joe were discussing the unflattering
photographs of players that had been flashed on the screen at another
ballpark. Mike's take on the quality of the photo selection was: "Some
of those guys look like the picture was taken while they were seeing
their first UFO." After several seconds of laughter, Joe added, "As
opposed to their second or third."
"The wind switched 360 degrees."
"Boy, a cold, frosty Budweiser would be great about now"...long
pause...then an "ahhh"
Mike's classic: "Ol' Abner Doubleday has done it again."
"It's raining so hard I thought it was going to stop."
"The crowd's on their feet for the Canadian Star Bangled Banner."
"Back in the day when I played, a pitcher had 3 pitches: a fastball, a
curveball, a slider, a changeup and a good sinker pitch."
Mike Shannon is the broadcaster for the St. Louis Cardinals. Just like Harry Caray to the north of us, we have some good ones here to laugh at.
"This big standing-room only crowd is settling into their seats."
"It's raining like a Chinese fire drill!"
(After Brian Jordan was hit by a pitch for the 4th time on a single road
trip): "Jordan must feel like a Ouija Board."
(Referring to Bernard Gilkey): "He was originally born in University
City."
"He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!"
(Referring to Mike Schmidt): "the longtime, and soon-to-be,
Hall-of-Famer."
(Referring to Hideo Nomo): "He's the biggest thing to hit Japan since
they dropped the bomb on Nagashima!"
"This game is off to a rather conspicuous start, don't you think. Jack?"
"Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm, and is blossoming into a
large cobra."
"That foul tip bounced up and caught him right in the groins...and
that'll really clear your eyes out."
"A hit up the middle right now would be like a nice ham sandwich and a
cold, frosty one."
(Broadcasting from New York under a full moon): "I wish you folks back
in St. Louis could see this moon."
(On the day before Easter): "I just want to tell everyone 'Happy Easter
and Happy Hanukkah.'"
"Things are not always as they appear to be as."
"Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya
ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out."
"Our next homestand follows this road trip."
(Referring to a home run by Ted Simmons): "and that's the bread on
Simmons' butter."
"The right-hander is throwing up (instead of 'up, throwing') in the
bullpen."
"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I
think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except
China where they have all those derelicts." After a pause, Joe Buch
suggested that Mike has meant to say "dialects." Mike responded, "Yeah,
dialects! That's what I mean...but they've got a lot of derelicts too!"
"He ran to second faster than a cat in Chinatown."
"I wouldn't have see it if I hadn't believed it."
"Don't bite off your head to spite your nose."
Joe: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French
foreign exchange students in Section 382."
Mike: "Where're they from, Joe?"
Joe: "Uhh, France, I think."
A couple of years back, Mike and Joe were discussing the unflattering
photographs of players that had been flashed on the screen at another
ballpark. Mike's take on the quality of the photo selection was: "Some
of those guys look like the picture was taken while they were seeing
their first UFO." After several seconds of laughter, Joe added, "As
opposed to their second or third."
"The wind switched 360 degrees."
"Boy, a cold, frosty Budweiser would be great about now"...long
pause...then an "ahhh"
Mike's classic: "Ol' Abner Doubleday has done it again."
"It's raining so hard I thought it was going to stop."
"The crowd's on their feet for the Canadian Star Bangled Banner."
"Back in the day when I played, a pitcher had 3 pitches: a fastball, a
curveball, a slider, a changeup and a good sinker pitch."
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