Truth or Truth pt 5

I saw this one day when I was at work and instantly thought....bullshit.
The Top 10 Traits Women Want in a Man - You can see slideshow HERE.

Let's see why I called bullshit.
10. Faithfulness - If women really wanted men to be faithful, why do they try to use sex as a bargaining chip? Every married or committed man knows that there is a difference between birthday sex, anniversary sex, make up sex, and freaky before we got married to your ass sex. Besides, most married men get sex on full moons only. Aint that a bish.
9. Dependability - This should be dependable to a fault. Men are creatures of habit and we can settle in a habit like a polar bear in a cave. So when a man comes home everyday, answers his phone when you call and do the same thing daily without caution, the habit is set. Once that set man veers 1 cm from the pattern, now we cheating or gambling or smoking crack....WHAT???

8. Kindness - Again, kindness to a fault. What's the first yall say when we don't hit your ass...don't be no punk!!! Better yet, let Mr. Hart tell you how it is.
7. Sense of Humor - Partially true. Only because most men and women have totally different humor. Men get their humor from movies, crazy uncles, and well....other men. Women get their humor from television. Scripted and laugh tracks. Men can only be "funny" before it turns into "you think you funny don't you".
6. Intelligence - Intelligence is a two way street. You can't pass off intelligence for too long, especially with a woman. If you didn't know, you can not win an argument with a women. They aren't rational, they are emotional thinkers first. Its just their DNA. Blame it on Allah.
5. Passion - Neah. Men are passionate about sports, their kids, cars, money, and sex. That's about it. You better get in where you fit in and make that man some money and give him that good good. Otherwise, he will lose his passion to keep you around and find a white woman.
4. Listening - Take notes from Chris Rock - Women want you to ask her the correct questions that will allow her to run her mouth. You set them up, she'll knock em down.

3. Romancing - There used to be a Boyz 2 Men song called "Water Runs Dry" or something like that. Guess what, that water runs out usually about 2-3 years into the relationship. Romance after that is remembering your birthday and anniversary without the help of a Facebook notification. I'm just saying, get it while the getting is good because when that waters run dry, it is a desert.
2. Sense of Style - May be true but skinny jeans and dressing like a gay r-n-b singer is fashionable now. If that's style, I will pass.
1. Handsome face - Lies all lies. Have you seen Tamar and Vince? Money cures all facial imperfections.

Truth or Truth, pt 4 - Anniversaries

Shout out to all the people that act like they like each other on Holidays and the Wedding Anniversary only.  Throw in every other birthday, graduations, and funerals, those are the real couples. The ones that neither person is really that interested but at the same time got to much time, money, kids, time (yep said it twice), emotional baggage, or just know they can't do no better because they tried, those are the real couples. They probably the only ones that will make it past half of this list. That being said, how about we review what we really want on those special days in which we remember how much money we spent on a ring and a cake and some damn party favors. All we really celebrating is that bachelor party.....ya dig. So here is a Guide to Anniversary Gifts for Him.

1st Wedding Anniversary
Traditional Gifts: Paper
Modern Gifts: Clocks

My proposal:  Lets blend the two, how about spend some paper on a nice watch. And if the guy doesnt wear a watch, how about upgrade his cell phone. Cell phone is a good idea because he couldn't upgrade before now because he bought you a damn ring. He had the same flip phone since forever. This helps, and besides, now he can't use the excuse that he didn't get your call/text. "Baby you know my phone don't work." He rocking this old phone you see talking about its 4g. Child please.

2nd Wedding Anniversary
Traditional Gifts: Cotton
Modern Gifts: China

My proposal:  Go traditional with cotton. And not slavery cotton some socks and t-shirts, hook up the wardrobe. We been rocking the same clothes we bought since we first met you and went out and bought a few new "work" shirts. All of our collars are yellow and the shirts got that permanent crease line. Hook us up. Go get a Macy's card, Kohl's, something.

3rd Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Leather
Modern Gifts: Crystal

My proposal:  By year 3, we probably knocked you up for the 1st or 2nd time, so we probably don't have too much money to spend on one another so lets take a year off and regroup. Something simple like getting us a massage (or giving one) with a happy ending. Those are on Groupon everyday. Your broke ass got $40 to get your hair done, you can get us a massage.

4th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Fruit or Flowers
Modern Gifts: Appliances

My proposal:  By now, we barely like each other but you gotta do something.Dinner and a movie will suffice.

5th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Wood
Modern Gifts: Silverware

My proposal:This is the turning point where you have to put in your cards or just say eff it and y'all pretty much have an understanding that you won't be together too much longer. If you want to keep him, you go all out in the freaky department...I'm talking about birthday, xmas, and valentine's freaky rolled into one night. The high heels, the nasty stuff we like, and how about some anal.

6th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Candy or Iron
Modern Gifts: Wood

My proposal: IF you made it this far and things are on the up and up, you gotta outdo last year. Now it is time for that infamous homemade video we been requesting. Oh yeah, we should have already been practicing, but we gotta go full scale production level on this one. Buy some new lamps, multiple angles, we already got the editing software. And you thought we was chopping and screwing videos of the kids because we love them. That was practice.

7th Wedding Anniversary
Traditional Gifts: Wool or Copper
Modern Gifts: Desk Sets

My proposal: Ok ok ok. You have reached your nasty limit for the time being. Thats fine, this year is easy. It's the ever so needed Hall Pass. Yep, just like the movie. Yep again, don't try to change the rules that the movie outlined. Yep, one whole week off from marriage. We will check in two times per day, anything other than that is considered a bonus.

8th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Bronze or Pottery
Modern Gifts: Linens or Lace

My proposal: Simple, new golf clubs. We have worn out the ones we had from college or our started set we got when we got that first job. Plus, we need a hobby before we kill you and the kids.

9th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Pottery and Willow
Modern Gifts: Leather 

My proposal: Bed n breakfast....trip to a sporting event....something off the bucket list... this is that weird not really there yet year, like when you turn 20, its better than 18 but not really 21. 10th Anniversary is turning 21. Don't blow that one. This year will be forgotten anyway.

10th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Tin or Aluminum
Modern Gifts:Diamond Jewelry

My proposal: How about the following....the woman gets the bigger ring, the man gets a menage. Yep. You had 3 years of anniversary freaky layoff to build up to this. Time for the excitement. Time to bond together, explore new territory (or revisit your pre-marriage days, depends on how you rolled), and get that fire back. Nothing sparks the fire like new pussy. If your man hasn't cheated, this is like a dream and a half coming true. If he cheated, chances are you did too so I guess it's just putting things on the table. Besides, Kanye told us we deserve it.

15th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Crystal
Modern Gifts: Watches

My proposal: After 10 years, let's face it, the real celebrations will be the ones every 5 years so on those in between times, nice dinner, sex, something new will suffice. At 15 years, you are broke from the kids entering high school or entering college, play it safe and just buy a new TV, like THIS BIG.

20th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: China
Modern Gifts: Platinum

My proposal: You are officially the Cosbys. Take a trip out of the country and wild the hell out. What happens in Budapest, stays in Budapest. Or something like that.

25th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Silver
Modern Gifts: Silver

My proposal: Buy each other matching tombstones and go ahead and get the side by side plots because you stuck together at this point. Nothing hasn't been said, heard, discussed, discharged, or secreted from each other's bodies that will shock either person at this point.

30th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Pearl
Modern Gifts: Diamond

My proposal: I have no advice. Hope your life insurance is paid up I guess.

I speak the truth....you know it.
This has nothing to do with nothing except it's new and its called Truth, Pac Div. Good mixtape, GMB.

 

Truth or Truth pt 3

Lets keep the party going why don't we....
What is up with this checklist? Don't get me wrong, everybody should have some sort of standards when it comes to finding that significant other or even dating. Don't settle for anything because you get what you ask for.

Let's check out the list for guys....

That's about it. Funny thing is, this should be the list for everybody right? We can assume that crackhead, thief, rapist, and any other thing you can get charged with are automatically off the list for both genders. Someone with most of their teeth, a job, less than 3 illegitimate kids that they know about, I mean some standards.

Guys want someone that is attractive to them (buyer's choice only), that doesn't get on their nerves, good mother, and pays for 40% of the bills. Yep. That's about it.
 
 
Now for the ladies....

Ladies....I love you I really do. I mean love you in all the ways you allow me. Yes that includes anal. But why does your list look like this? You list has a table of contents, a wiki page and some references. You list has a version for dummies that is still 10 pages long. You list has an addendum that is notarized. WTF!!!!

Your list doesn't even have logic. Gotta be this height, make this much money, have this many degrees and still keep it hood. Gotta want and love kids. Gotta love God and Allah. What? Why do women try to size you up too like they can tell the items you fit on their checklist before you even try to approach them. He too short, he ain't packing...WHAT? He only got one drink, he broke. He rode with his friends, he must not have a car and live with his momma. WHATTT? Bish, I just wanted to save my gas money...smh.

All I'm saying is put the list down and go with it. Stop listening to your girlfriends when y'all in that huddle calling plays at the club too. It's a reason those hoes lonely too. The best person you probably will meet is just waiting for you to put that guard down.



Remember, its really not that hard if you throw that list out.
Love isn't complicated....people are.