Friday, February 12, 2010

Valentine's Day Special: Have Better Sext: A User's Guide


With V-Day right around the corner, maybe a little warm up session is needed. I changed the picture, I like this one better.

Have Better Sext: A User's Guide

So you've finally discovered that your phone is more than just a device for making calls and playing Flight Navigator—that it can actually be used to enhance your sex life through a nifty little thing called "sexting."
Well, congratulations (and welcome to the 21st century). But don't be fooled: sexting mayseem easy, but it's actually a complicated dance of dirty words, innuendo, and, of course, hilariously unintentional misspellings (this is text messaging we're talking about). But with a little help, you'll be on your way to sexting like a pro. Read on and learn.
Sexting for Foreplay vs. Sexting as a Main Course. One of the first things to decide is whether your amorous texts are intended as the lead in to something in the flesh, or if they're intended as an end unto themselves. It may seem like a trivial distinction, but it's actually a key point to determining your sexting style.
If you're sexting for foreplay. The key here is to keep it light, and focus on the teasing—remember, you're trying to build excitement for what's to come, not blow your load on the spot. "I'm so hot for you," "I can't believe how wet my pussy is," flirty pictures, and the like are all ideal. Getting into too much detail, however, is not. Sure, you may be planning on covering your lover in peanut butter and licking it off of his or her body, then dousing their body in chocolate sauce and making sweet, sweet, messy love—but laying that all out on the front line builds up an expectation that may not be fulfilled (that, and typing all that out will make your thumbs prematurely tired).
If you're sexting as an end unto itself. In this situation, sexting becomes like phone sex or cybersex (but with texts!): it's intended as a simulation of the sexual act itself. Since you don't have to save your energy for anything else, feel free to go all out—but again, try not to blow your load all at once. The best sexual experiences build slowly: start with teasing, and when you're both good and ready, then you can whip out the chocolate and peanut butter covered sexing (if, you know, that's what you're into).
Text vs. Pictures. It's also important to decide whether your sexts are going to be primarily pictures, primarily text, or a mixture of both. Each medium has its strengths (and weaknesses)—it's up to you to decide which works best for your purposes.
Text sex. The merits of text are pretty obvious: it's oh so easy to say what you want (even if it's a little annoying to type it all out on a tiny keyboard). Text allows you the freedom to let your imagination run wild, and explore your wildest fantasies (in 160 characters or less, of course).
· Make it personal. As with all tech (and sex) experiences, customization is key. A generic message will only get you so far; if you manage to slip in an added, personalized detail, it's that much hotter.
· For the love of god, spell correctly. You're not fifteen (and if you are, close this window and go study for your chemistry exam). While some abbreviations may be necessary (especially in a detailed fantasy), the less you use, the better. "I wnt u 2 suk my cok" just isn't as hot. (Arousal-induced typos, on the other hand, are acceptable—and, for that matter, to be expected.)
· No emoticons. You can maybe get away with a sly ;), but beyond that, there's no such thing as a sexy emoticon.
Pictures. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? Photos may not allow you the same level of directness, but they do offer an added level of, ahem, stimulation. If you've decided to illustrate your sexts, here are a few things to keep in mind.
· To anonymize or no? If you're sending out sexy pictures of yourself, it's best to assume that they will one day be released to the public. Even if they're being sent to the most trusted of trusted partners, there's still the chance that you, yourself, will fuck up and manage to leak them. So if you care at all about protecting your identity, it's probably best to crop out your face (not that that's foolproof—just ask Rihanna). However, a faceless body shot is, of course, less alluring than one that hasn't been decapitated—so if you're ready to throw caution to the wind, include your face, reputation be damned.
· Hit them with your best shot. Chances are, you're taking these pictures by yourself, with a cell phone camera, so they're not going to be the best quality ever. However, that's no reason to just send whatever your camera manages to snap. A bad picture can ruin the mood—so pay attention to angles, lighting, and be sure to screen before you hit send.
· A word on up close genital shots. Genitals are wonderful, magical sources of pleasure, and they are, of course, beautiful in their own way. However, up close shots of genitals are not always the more aesthetically pleasing things, and should not be sent right out the gate—in fact, in many cases, should not be sent unless your partner specifically asks for them. (This goes doubly for the men: please don't assume that the ladies are itching to see a picture of your cock—unless, of course, they ask for it.)
Pictures with text. Most providers will allow you to append a text message along with your picture—this is obviously the best of both worlds. If you go this route, feel free to get creative. "I want you to lick me here" combined with a picture of your nipples? Extra arousing.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Thickness....Oh Wait...Wrong Email




1. Colts/Jets?
Ebizz: Im goin to stick with the Jets to upset. The Colts having defense that is good enough to put Manning in position to make great plays.  Yet, their defense is not the best in the NFL. So they are bound to give up some plays.  If you think Revis is the only threat the Jets have, apparently you have not watches any games. point blank.


DProfessor: This is too easy. The Colts are tough on D playing against a one-dimensional team. Sure the Jets play great defense, and run REALLY good. But you have to score more than 10 pts offensively to beat the Colts. Revis is great, but he can't guard 3 people at once. Colts 27 - Jets 13.

2. Saints/Vikes?


DProfessor: Ahhh.....one for the ages. This is like the USC/Texas game back with Vince Young and Reggie Bush. You know their are going to be some points put up in this one. AP has yet to get going, and who's to say that Brett wants him to do so? Brett wants to air that ball out and sling it all over the field. The problem is that the Saints do that better than any team in the league. The last team with the ball wins. Bottom line. Saints 41 Vikes 38.
Ebizz: Stop changing your mind. Im going with my Vikings in this one. Super Bowl winners............

3. Super Bowl Pick?

DProfessor: It's easy for me. The Colts. They have been the most consistent team all year....hence going 14-0 before shutting it down for the playoffs. Sure, call me a homer...but who else can win the tough games? All of the Vikes big wins have been blowouts, the losses, close. Same for the Aints. I'm taking the Colts and of course, MVP goes to the White QB...barring a 8 sack performance from Freeney.


Ebizz: So you must have not seen the Vikings vs the 49ers this year? or how about  when they played the Steelers when they were robbed of that game? Or how about the Ravens who was one of your favorite teams coming into the season?? Vikings have won tough games and I say they are still able to do so. Dont count them out.






4. Well, we found Marvin Harrison
DProfessor: My daddy always told me to watch for them quiet cats, they are usually the craziest ones. Marvin is showing his true colors IF these details become true.


Ebizz: If details become true?? they have a man that said he was shot by Marvin Harrison. Then he was killed after coming out and saying that? A hell of a story to make up out of no where. It is what it is.





5. Restructure of the NBA
DProfessor: I'll take a revision to All-Star Weekend. Ray Allen wants 25% fan voting. Billups echoed that. I agree. There is no way in hell T-Mac should be allowed to play, let alone start in the game. My D-League player on NBA2K is averaging better numbers than him and AI. AI should bow down and let Rondo or DRose start if he gets the nod. AI can at least play a little bit. T-Mac is done.

Ebizz: The playoff system needs some retooling because the east only has to barely win and make the playoffs, while in the East an impressive 50 win season does not even guarantee you a spot?  I say put teams with the best scores vs. each other and let the teams with garbage records watch the competition from the sideline..



6. Big Mac with a side of "roids"
Ebizz: really i say f*** baseball but I must say the way these circumstances are being handled puzzles me.  The black unemployment rate is steady on the rise but yet we still are over saturated with sports icons that are built like pro wrestlers finally admitting what we already knew.  Lets focus on something important out here, and by the way FREE BARRY BONDS and let him play!!!!!!!!!!

DProfessor: What has yet to be said from Cardinal Nation is that we "forgive" McGwire is because he is white. White people stick together. They don't cross alliances, like Pimp C said, "If you was a cartoon character on your first album, you better be a cartoon character on your last one." I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I miss some Pimp C. Let Barry Bonds come out with a lame azz apology. You might as well shut down all the comment sections because they will be overwhelmed with hate.


7. Where should Toby Gerhart Go?
DProfessor: Gerhart is a late 1st Rounder to me unless he dazzles at the combine. He has to show he is sub 4.5 in the 40 and must kill the other RBs in bench presses. Teams will me ready to gobble him up...let's face it, how many good legitimate white rbs are there in the league?

Ebizz: I agree with you. Late first round, but yet a real steal.  I want to see him aside a fast back to add some balance  (ex: Tennessee, or Minnesota)
8. Vick to the Rams?
DProfessor: In the words of 8-5, "Child please." The day Vick signs with the Rams and doesn't get shot on site by John Wilkes Booth III, is the day I buy season tickets to the Dome. This is STL.
Ebizz: All the stuff you talking goes out the window when teams want to sell tickets. The fans will come out to see Vick play and he would have my full support as well.  If he came here and won the Rams about 8 games, people would be more than willing to put that dog-stuff behind them....Hell look at my man Kobe.


9. What happened to Steven A Smith?
DProfessor: According to CBeans, ESPN has a pecking order and Stephen A wasn't playing ball. You can catch him on Fox Sports and on his own site....HERE.  The fact of the matter is Stephen A kept it real and called a lot of cats out on the air. He always gave Skip the business too. Big up, rather be owner, than be owned.
Ebizz: Steve Smith we miss you and shouts out to Bill Walton. please come back 



10. Fantasy NBA Slam Dunk Contest Contestants
DProfessor: Can we get Shaq to rally the troops? I'm not too excited with Shannon Brown, Nasty Nate, and Gerald Wallace. Nice lineup but I won't miss any sleep over this one if I miss the festivities.

Ebizz: Nasty Nate Dogg!   How about JR Smith, Jamario Moon, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Vince Carter, and maybe Russell Westbrook. Can we get a little variety out here? But lets also take it back to the Jordan vs. Dominique rules, before the addition of the team crap.



Step your inteview game up before you get remixed too!!!!!



Thursday, January 14, 2010

Blazing Through the Playoffs




Vikings vs. Cowboys
Ebizz: I gotta go with my guys and the Purple Pride. Brett is on a mission and I think this is his time to shine.  The Romo Boys are gonna follow the same game plan they always have.  That is disappoint those who have been looking for success since Emmitt. LOL.
DProfessor: How bout them Cowboys? There are only 2 teams left in the playoffs that are run first, Jets and Cowboys. Isn't it sad that the Vikings don't fall in that list with the 2nd best running back in the game? That being said, the Vikes have what it takes to stop the run in the Williams Wall. I go Vikes 27 Boys 21.

Saints vs. Cardinals
DProfessor: If this game were on Sunday, it would be a no brainer. Kurt Warner and Jesus must be distant cousins because he is the man on Sundays. I think the Saints started to fall apart late in the season and teams allowed them to throw the ball in between the 20's. I think the game is another shootout like last week. Cards 45 Saints 35.
Ebizz: Kurt Warner is amazing this time of year no matter how bad he may have played up to this point.  It is very very hard to best against the man in circumstances like this one.

Jets vs. Chargers
Ebizz: This is a very very uncomfortable decision to make, but I would want to say that whoever wins this game, I may have to write a ticket to the big game.  The problem is, my gut says to go with the Jets, but stats say go with the Chargers.....I will say the Jets because of that win last week to get into the playoffs.  I feel they are one of the most confident teams in the league and that goes a long way.
DProfessor: I want the Jets to win due to my disdain (hate) of the Chargers. Especially after LT puts out crazy vids like this.
 


Colts vs. Ravens
DProfessor: Are we sure that the Patriots were any good last week? The weakness in the Ravens is pass defense, which happens to be Peyton Manning's favorite subject. The questions about stopping the run for the Colts seemed to have been answered and the Ravens definitely don't want to fall behind too fast with a QB that only completed 4 passes last week.
Ebizz: Derrick said is best with Manning for President. He is not real by any stretch of the imagination. Ravens do have an extraordinary running game, but offensively, that is all.  Manning all day.

Lane Kiffin to USC
Ebizz: My only question is WHY??? has he even proven to be a worthy candidate to replace Carroll?  The has to be some other motives beyond his coaching that got him this job.  Bad move
DProfessor: Well its not like their where going to hire a black coach, they still mad at Juice Simpson.


Another Coach fired for motivating his player too harshly
DProfessor: Are coaches getting tough or players (and their parents) getting soft? I have seen some little league coaches tear into kids tougher than some of these instances.
Ebizz: C'mon Son!!  This is like a domino affect going on. My only question is who is next on the list to get the axe.


Gilbert "gun-totting" Arenas 
Ebizz: Again a player used as the fall guy (Mike Vick) to set an example. He mad a very dumb decision and deserves a punishment.  The whole season without pay is a little bit too harsh, especially when you take into consideration other players who've mad dumb decisions that didn't cost them a whole season. Steven Jackson outside a nightclub letting off rounds, LaGarrett Blount, and I am sure there are more we could list here.
DProfessor: This does seem very Vickesque. Player did something stupid and tried to cover up the dirt. Check. League doesn't think player is worthy of salary or recognition they recieve. Check. Commish wants to let the league know who is boss before labor deals expire. Check. And now....Gilbert charged with felony.


Heisman Candidates for next season?
Ebizz: Only person who comes to mind so far is Terrell Pryor.  This will be his junior year and I believe he is ready to show that he is a great quarterback. Injuries have slowed his progression down, but yet and still, he has proved that he has excellent awareness and athletic abilities that set him apart from other college players.  This will be his season!
DProfessor: Since you have to be a white quarterback to be the early favorite, or best player on the best team to win....How about Jeremiah Masoli from the Oregon Ducks? The Pac 10 has to be up in the air after all the shakeups and Ducks finished strong. Oregon runs the spread so the rushing and passing numbers should be there. Plus the Ducks can make statement games vs USC and Washington next year.


College Hoops anyone??
Ebizz: There are a lot of entertaining athletes in college bball that will make sure to destroy a lot of brackets this year.  Some of the players that are balling are Dominique Jones of USF is damn near amazing on the court and a big time sleeper but his team is lacking.  Austin Freeman of G'Town is big time, and also Demarcus Cousins and Eric Bledsoe of Kentucky.
DProfessor: How about those Missouri Tigers winning 30 in a row at home with Mike Anderson? 40 minutes of hell is something to be reckoned with.


Remember ME
Ebizz: How about taking time out to remember some athletes that kind of dissapeared.....what ever happened to Kerry Kittles? How about Ron Mercer? God Shammgod, a Bullets benchwarmer and hero of the University of Providence.   How about Mr. Marvin Harrison? Where are you?????lol
DProfessor: What about Stephen A. Smith? Harold Miner? Miles Simon? J-Will from Duke? Send us a tweet or something.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Wanna Get Away???? LT.....Slide to the right!!!

Here is to an early exit by the Bolts and this terribly hilarious and tasteless video. Wave to your 
mama. Hopefully Mr. Tomlinson can find a nice deal from our friends over at YTB.





Monday, December 21, 2009

On the 7th Day of Christmas...

My true love gave to me.....7 Gifts Every Real Man Wish He Got for Christmas!!!!
1. A Dominican maid named Isabella who can't clean worth a damn, as long as she look like this.
2. One day of no bills, no headaches, no phone ringing, no nagging, a good meal, and a good movie to watch.
3. If you don't have one already, a PS3 or XBox 360 or both. There is no going back to PS2 or inferior systems after you play one of these.
4. The Wire, all 5 seasons on DVD. Because "My name ....IS MY NAME" - Marlo
5. A sleeveless hoody.
6. A "massage."
7. One free pass. I don't think I should have to explain this.

Friday, December 18, 2009

On the 8th Day of Christmas...

My true love gave to me.....Top 8 Ways NOT to get Caught CHEATING

1. Two words - Password protection. On your phone, on your email, on your vm. If there's a password, guard it with your life. And change it every 2-3 months to switch it up.
2. Close all of your "EXTRA" accounts. No more myspace, no more facebook, no more tweets. If you post it, they will find it.
3. Don't get pregnant/have a baby. If you look like Seal, and the baby comes out light skinned - well, there's going to be a Maury Show to figure it out.
4. Two or more phones - As a rapper once put it, keep one for the fiends and one for the cluckers.
5. No paper trail. All receipts are thrown away. Everything is paid for in cash. Everything. YES - even gasoline.
6. Don't use your real name. If you out of town, borrow the name from the guy at the front desk.
7. Don't cheat with somebody in your same circles, where....(i know this might sound weird but) if someone catches feeling, it isnt awkward to be in the same place in fear that a scene is going to break out.
8. The easiest way....Don't CHEAT.

On the 9th Day of Christmas...

My true love gave to me.....9 Reasons Black Tiger Woods wouldn't Be in Trouble

1. Black men deny everything as seen in the video below. What's the first thing you say when somebody calls your phone and you don't know who the number? That is after you disguise your voice and turn down your music.
2. Black men have at least one friend they can blame random stuff on. "Baby, that wasn't me that was Tron. I don't even play around like that, girl you know its all about you."
3. Black men don't have the best phone etiquette. For instance, we don't say our names or even Hello most of the time.
4. Black men don't take the jumpoffs out of town. If we do, she definitely knows her role and doesn't want to lose that role of jumpoff.
5. Black men don't want the media or anybody else involved in their personal lives. That being said, their would have been a confrontation. How long did the Allen Iverson ordeal last?
Here is an excerpt....
"Where are you at?" barked Iverson to his wife Tawanna over a telephone, according to Jones' affidavit, which continued: "I'm about to hurt somebody. You better tell me where the--you are at. Do you think I'm playing? I'm going to make a--ing example out of him."
True, AI is not as big as Tiger...and it sounds like the cheating allegations were on the other side of the coin....but you get the point.
6. Black men lie. I know.....tell me something we don't know. But we would have lied until the sex tape came out and still would have been lying that it wasn't us.
7. Black men would have had an out. Golf tournament, friend just died, something. At 2:30am, there better be a real good excuse why you sexting your friends.
8. Black men know how to keep their women. How many times has somebody messed up and they woman still with them for no apparent reason? And you talking about cats with 1% of Tiger's money this year.
9. Black men don't play that from white women, especially a damn nanny!!! Woman get your azz in this house and shut the hell up before they call the police on me. You know they don't like my black azz no way.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

On the 10th Day of Christmas...


My homeboy gave me the top 10 albums you SHOULD be listening to right NOW!!!! In no particular order.

1. Wale - Attention Deficit - You should know who Wale is by now, if not, chances are you might not like him. It's like Kobe, either you like him or you don't, no real middle ground.
2. Lil Wayne - No Ceilings - I like my Wayne on alot syrup and blunts. He raps over all the beats that rappers should have passed on to better rappers anyway.
3. Drake - Heartbreak Drake - Songs with Gucci, Wayne and the other YM fam. Really picks up after Fed Up, the DJ Khalid everybody on this song track of 2009. Too bad it didn't live up to We Taking Ova or Out Here Grindin. Drake delivers on "Darling" and "Don't Believe You".
4. RKelly - Untitled - You won't catch any songs on the radio, but my favorite Piper is back in business.
5. Clipse - Road Til the Casket Drops - Did you see that this was the Road to...not the actual album but the mixtape. The true album is like the Cowboys...good in the first half, bad in December.
6. Jay-Z - Blueprint 3 - Can't deny the ESPN and NFL takeover of Hov's "Empire State of Mind." And is it me or did Alicia Keys move into everybody's top 5???
7. Fabolous - Loso's Way - Fab followed up the mixtape with a decent album. I always like the mixtape Fab over the Throw it in the Bag Fab anyway.
8. Maxwell - BLACKsummers'night - Whether it is cleaning your house or bringing the noise, Maxwell has what the ladies like.
9. Gucci Mane - The State vs Radric Davis - Sometimes you just want a good beat and catchy hook, well that Gucci train is never late. Plus, you won't hear as many mixtapes with Mr Davis going upstate.
10. Ghostface Killah - Ghostdini: The Wizard of Poetry in Emerald City - Let me start by saying this is not your average rap cd. Raheem Devaughn puts it down a few times, even Ron Browz. Good music and easy listening, not all jungle-bunny noise.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

On the 11th Day of Christmas...

My True love gave to me, 11 Reasons to Stay Married:

1. If you married the right one, dinner is always available.
2. It's cheaper to keep her.
3. To raise your kids together, the easier way. (sometimes)
4. You don't want to be the old azz in the club with your taco meat out.
5. You know you need help, you need somebody to complete the stuff you don't like doing.
6. You like regular "action".
7. You don't know how to sext or flirt online.
8. Child support hurts.
9. Two birthday parties is not cool.
10. You know she took her birth control pill.
11. Didn't you read yesterday, its rough out here!!!!

Monday, December 14, 2009

On the 12th day of Christmas....

My true love gave to me....
HERPES!!!!!

Well, not me. But you don't want to give the gift that keeps on giving.

(St. Louis Public Radio) - The city of St. Louis has seen a big drop in the infection rates of two common sexually transmitted diseases.

Between 2007 and 2008, Chlamydia rates dropped about two percent, and gonorrhea rates fell almost 27 percent. That was enough to push St. Louis from the top spot in infection rates for both the diseases, which it had held for several years. There were 1,225 cases of Chlamydia per 100,000 residents, and 174 cases of gonorrhea per 100,000 residents.

St. Louis city and County are both doing a better job of getting people treatment for STD's, said Dr. Bradley Stoner, a professor of anthropology and medicine at Washington University. But access to care remains a problem.


Go get tested people. And don't trust a big butt and a smile. This has been your ghetto public service announcement. The 11th day of Christmas won't be as bad. I promise.