Don't Beat Her

Thats my president right there. And he's right. No one should ever hit a woman, within reason. Lets be real, sometimes women try to go to far. Words do hurt, but so do slaps and punches. I like to get even, i'm just saying. But I am not of the Slapahoe tribe, I like to be more creative in my attacks. If you are like me and can't bring your self to Chris Brown level, but do have the urge to get back at your woman, here are a few ways that may not land you in jail.

1. Alterations - Nothing screams revenge like making a woman feel fat. Nobody ....well some....the hell with it most guys dont care if you have a few pounds on you but that woman surely knows. Have all of her pants brought in 2 sizes. Depression workouts will ensue. Order her favorite meal and watch her skip over it like the plague.
2. Cut her hair - Women love their hair. Black women really love their hair, even if it came from a 12 yr old Indian girl. Catch her slipping on the couch or in the bed, take off a snip or two, hide the evidence and put on your riot gear. Guaranteed level 5 argument. This also works for the "natural" movement women, when she using your clippers to tighten up that lining, bump her elbow. 
3. Put bleach in her shampoo - Sisqo. Nuff said.
4. Have another woman hit her - Call your cousin, baby momma, or momma. Women love to fight for a man, blood or not, if they together or not, or just because they don't like the new woman. Catfights are always bonding moments.
5. Withdraw all her money out the account - All these I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T women think they the shit with their good credit and new shoes. Write a check and wipe her out. She will be singing one of those Credit Score.com jingles in no time.
6. Call one of her friends - You know the one. The promiscuously challenged one that you might have already hit in the bathroom at a bbq. You call, she will handle the rest. 
7. Slip her a micki - Vizine in the drink equals a sore ass in the morning. 
8. Cut her off. If you keep giving her cheese, that how you spoil a rat. 
9. Change your number - Women love to call/harass their significant other. Change your number for a few days and let her keep getting the disconnecting tone. 
10. Drive her car out of gas - Since most women change clothes 42x in the morning before they go to work or anywhere else, leave that car on E. AAA has 24 hour roadside assistance.

If all else fails, follow this how-to video