Truth or Truth, pt 4 - Anniversaries

Shout out to all the people that act like they like each other on Holidays and the Wedding Anniversary only.  Throw in every other birthday, graduations, and funerals, those are the real couples. The ones that neither person is really that interested but at the same time got to much time, money, kids, time (yep said it twice), emotional baggage, or just know they can't do no better because they tried, those are the real couples. They probably the only ones that will make it past half of this list. That being said, how about we review what we really want on those special days in which we remember how much money we spent on a ring and a cake and some damn party favors. All we really celebrating is that bachelor party.....ya dig. So here is a Guide to Anniversary Gifts for Him.

1st Wedding Anniversary
Traditional Gifts: Paper
Modern Gifts: Clocks

My proposal:  Lets blend the two, how about spend some paper on a nice watch. And if the guy doesnt wear a watch, how about upgrade his cell phone. Cell phone is a good idea because he couldn't upgrade before now because he bought you a damn ring. He had the same flip phone since forever. This helps, and besides, now he can't use the excuse that he didn't get your call/text. "Baby you know my phone don't work." He rocking this old phone you see talking about its 4g. Child please.

2nd Wedding Anniversary
Traditional Gifts: Cotton
Modern Gifts: China

My proposal:  Go traditional with cotton. And not slavery cotton some socks and t-shirts, hook up the wardrobe. We been rocking the same clothes we bought since we first met you and went out and bought a few new "work" shirts. All of our collars are yellow and the shirts got that permanent crease line. Hook us up. Go get a Macy's card, Kohl's, something.

3rd Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Leather
Modern Gifts: Crystal

My proposal:  By year 3, we probably knocked you up for the 1st or 2nd time, so we probably don't have too much money to spend on one another so lets take a year off and regroup. Something simple like getting us a massage (or giving one) with a happy ending. Those are on Groupon everyday. Your broke ass got $40 to get your hair done, you can get us a massage.

4th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Fruit or Flowers
Modern Gifts: Appliances

My proposal:  By now, we barely like each other but you gotta do something.Dinner and a movie will suffice.

5th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Wood
Modern Gifts: Silverware

My proposal:This is the turning point where you have to put in your cards or just say eff it and y'all pretty much have an understanding that you won't be together too much longer. If you want to keep him, you go all out in the freaky department...I'm talking about birthday, xmas, and valentine's freaky rolled into one night. The high heels, the nasty stuff we like, and how about some anal.

6th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Candy or Iron
Modern Gifts: Wood

My proposal: IF you made it this far and things are on the up and up, you gotta outdo last year. Now it is time for that infamous homemade video we been requesting. Oh yeah, we should have already been practicing, but we gotta go full scale production level on this one. Buy some new lamps, multiple angles, we already got the editing software. And you thought we was chopping and screwing videos of the kids because we love them. That was practice.

7th Wedding Anniversary
Traditional Gifts: Wool or Copper
Modern Gifts: Desk Sets

My proposal: Ok ok ok. You have reached your nasty limit for the time being. Thats fine, this year is easy. It's the ever so needed Hall Pass. Yep, just like the movie. Yep again, don't try to change the rules that the movie outlined. Yep, one whole week off from marriage. We will check in two times per day, anything other than that is considered a bonus.

8th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Bronze or Pottery
Modern Gifts: Linens or Lace

My proposal: Simple, new golf clubs. We have worn out the ones we had from college or our started set we got when we got that first job. Plus, we need a hobby before we kill you and the kids.

9th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Pottery and Willow
Modern Gifts: Leather 

My proposal: Bed n breakfast....trip to a sporting event....something off the bucket list... this is that weird not really there yet year, like when you turn 20, its better than 18 but not really 21. 10th Anniversary is turning 21. Don't blow that one. This year will be forgotten anyway.

10th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Tin or Aluminum
Modern Gifts:Diamond Jewelry

My proposal: How about the following....the woman gets the bigger ring, the man gets a menage. Yep. You had 3 years of anniversary freaky layoff to build up to this. Time for the excitement. Time to bond together, explore new territory (or revisit your pre-marriage days, depends on how you rolled), and get that fire back. Nothing sparks the fire like new pussy. If your man hasn't cheated, this is like a dream and a half coming true. If he cheated, chances are you did too so I guess it's just putting things on the table. Besides, Kanye told us we deserve it.

15th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Crystal
Modern Gifts: Watches

My proposal: After 10 years, let's face it, the real celebrations will be the ones every 5 years so on those in between times, nice dinner, sex, something new will suffice. At 15 years, you are broke from the kids entering high school or entering college, play it safe and just buy a new TV, like THIS BIG.

20th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: China
Modern Gifts: Platinum

My proposal: You are officially the Cosbys. Take a trip out of the country and wild the hell out. What happens in Budapest, stays in Budapest. Or something like that.

25th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Silver
Modern Gifts: Silver

My proposal: Buy each other matching tombstones and go ahead and get the side by side plots because you stuck together at this point. Nothing hasn't been said, heard, discussed, discharged, or secreted from each other's bodies that will shock either person at this point.

30th Wedding Anniversary 
Traditional Gifts: Pearl
Modern Gifts: Diamond

My proposal: I have no advice. Hope your life insurance is paid up I guess.

I speak the truth....you know it.
This has nothing to do with nothing except it's new and its called Truth, Pac Div. Good mixtape, GMB.